Uncertainty, Doubt, Shame, Guilt, and Bestie Texties
Guest post by Samantha Spittle
I wasn't sure if this was a commonly used term or one I made up….until I googled the term and saw that “textie” is now used to describe people you text all the time, like besties. (Thanks, Urban Dictionary. I was worried you would give me an inappropriate definition, but you kept it clean, win!)
For me, it describes the text messages I send to my close friends. I usually refer to them as my “if I were to actually do status updates on Facebook, this is what it would be…”
Ironically enough, I am not one for public sharing on social media or online (this is a blog post, I know, but God has a good sense of humor…).
On the other hand, get me around a group of friends, or even new acquaintances, and if the occasion calls for it, I will happily tell my embarrassing stories, even the ones that I told myself I would NEVER tell because everyone doesn’t need to know every detail of my life. Have some decency, Samantha!!! But it never fails. I get around a group of people and the TMI stories eventually come out.
I used to think it was wanting to be the center of attention, since I enjoyed making everyone laugh, and perhaps that could be part of it. However, as I have gotten older, I have realized that I have a deep desire for people to feel connected, that they belong, and they aren’t alone.
It seems like the more embarrassing stories I tell (to a certain degree), the more I hear people saying “Me, too! I thought I was the only one!” Nothing makes you feel more isolated and alone than struggling in silence. Yes, a bathroom based story doesn’t touch upon serious struggles like depression, shame, and guilt, but when you can break the ice with someone on the surface, you open the door to building that relationship, allowing you to get to their heart.
I wish I was gifted with beautiful words (written and spoken) to draw people in with my gentle, serene voice and presence, but I usually end up talking too fast and too much. There are so many great bloggers out there (shout out to the Tribe here on t.His) who breathe life into their words, and in turn, inspire and motivate the women on the other side of the screen. 1 Corinthians 12:14 reminds me that the body has many different parts; not just one part, and we are NOT all meant to have the same gifts.
I’m not sure what God is calling me to do. What I do know is that God wants me to be WITH people, and if that means stepping outside of my comfort zone, connecting with you on screen so that we can one day connect in person, so be it! Romans 12:5 “so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” It’s been said many times and I will say it again, we belong to each other. You are not alone.
My heart breaks when someone finally opens up about something, and I can see that they have struggled for so long thinking they are the only one feeling this way. I do NOT have the answers and am in no way a therapist of any kind (I’m just a girl, sitting at a computer, in a messy dining room, listening to my son sing about poop). What I have learned is that if you surround yourself with trusted friends to talk to, you can start to lift the veil of shame and guilt.
Texting and posting is great, but make sure to take the time to meet in person once in a while (yes, even you introverts).
Hebrews 10:24-25 say, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (emphasis added)
Is this going to solve any big problems? Probably not. But, I will say that for the women that I “bestie textie” with, we eventually talk about bigger issues like mental health, physical ailments, parenting stress, marriage struggles and more.
Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” It’s hard to dive into serious issues, especially as adults, and our friendships can take a backseat to our families and careers. In an age where technology is meant to bring us closer together but ends up making us feel more isolated, take the power back. Bring your struggles to the light and share a laugh with your friends.
A friend recently shared, “Guilt is the devil’s M.O. You’ve brought it to the light and shared. That’s the one thing the devil doesn’t want you to do. He wants you to fester in the bad feelings.”
1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
Praying for you to find a community in which to connect. Don't believe the lies of the devil and try to go it alone.